She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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