I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
