I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
