I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
