Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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