I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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