Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
