This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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