Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
