you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
