My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
