Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
