she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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