This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
