Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
