So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
