Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
