Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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