I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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