if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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