just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
