It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
