I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
