Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
