I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We are all done wearing pants today
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
