i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
