Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
