no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
