would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
