I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
