I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
