The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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