goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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