Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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