I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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