Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
