12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
