But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
