All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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