Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
