If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
