I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
