You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
