some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
