First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
