i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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