i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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