I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
