He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
