3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
